her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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