two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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