No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
