I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I deserve this hangover.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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