oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize