that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
