apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
