I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
