my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i dont even know how to be here
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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