You work out of a Hotel?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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