Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
