Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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