I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize