onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The air was thick with penises
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
