i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
