She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
