after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I forget how to act sober
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
