So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
