Moan for me like Helen Keller
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
