the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Randomize
