I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
that is very illegal...i love you.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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