dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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