Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
