Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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