Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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