we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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