you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
