Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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