my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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