you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Dignity is for republicans.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
