this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
