i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
