I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
