whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
