So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
