Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
