I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
