Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
