I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
