Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Oh god it's open bar.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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