Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
