would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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