I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
