I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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