i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
