While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I have post one night stand depression
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
