we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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