If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
