Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
