I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
