If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize