It's Friday. Sex?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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