honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
