Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize