I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
