We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
