I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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