You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
