cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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