I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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